Okay, let’s face it. Some people just get on your nerves. Although that is not the Christian way to be, sometimes it’s the experience we have with people whose behavior is annoying to us. What if I told you that sometimes God allows these people in our lives to help us learn how to better reflect Christ. Yes, people who “urk” us may be in our lives to teach us patience and how to be encouraging. Even Apostle Paul was highly upset with Mark for not continuing with him and Barnabus on their first missionary journey (Acts 13:13) and outright rejected the idea of Mark joining them on their second missionary journey (Acts 15:36). Regardless of why people do what they do, we should seek the Lord to better understand both ourselves and the other person by asking the question:
“What are the triggers in my life that cause me major discomfort when I’m in the presence of a certain person?”
There’s a song entitled “Not About Us” by Bishop Noel Jones and the second line says “it’s about Jesus.” Those lyrics are highly appropriate here. It’s really easy to focus on how people make us feel and think that we have a right to not endure the discomfort that comes with being around certain people. Now, I’m not talking about people who intentionally seek ways to cause discomfort. I’m talking about people who, in being themselves without pretense, just seem to rub us the wrong way. When thinking about how we can reflect Christ when we’re in the presence of such individuals, here are three actions I believe will work for you—well, they tend to work for me.
1) Self-Reflect: Ask yourself, what is it in my life that gets triggered to make me uncomfortable with this person? For me, I really dislike being around complainers and people who always talk about the negative instead of the positive. I totally dislike whining and cannot even watch a movie where women in particular are always screaming and running when they could clearly stand and fight. However, I’ve learned that this “urks” me because I’ve had to stand my ground all through childhood and not show signs of weakness. I didn’t want to be judged as a weakling or disappointment, so I always stood strong and was naturally strong minded. Being around people who complain and whine bothers me because, to me, they’re demonstrating weakness. Yet, if I’m going to reflect the image of Christ, then I need to (a) genuinely listen to what their heart is saying, (b) validate their right to feel the way they’re feeling; and (c) help them see that they are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus.
2) Nobody’s Story is Your Story: I often say that people are the sum total of everything that has ever happened to them or never happened to them. What I mean by this is that people’s behaviors reflect the challenges they’ve endured, the love they did or didn’t receive, or maybe the validation to be strong or weak. They live the way they’ve learned to live and they have their own way of being. As ambassadors for Christ, it is important that we learn to understand people and give them the space and right to be and become who God created them to become for their destiny in Him. Let's find common experiences or perspectives and spend more time celebrating those rather than being “urked” by our differences.
3) Love People with Patience: When Christ died on the cross for our sins, He knew exactly what kind of people we would be. He knew that some of us would outright reject Him, others would walk away from Him after experiencing His power and love, and others would falsely use His teachings for their own personal gain. Yet, He died for us anyway! He loved us beyond our cantankerous attitudes and urking behaviors and showed us His love. We must ask the Lord to show us His people through His eyes. When we can see people the way God sees them, we can genuinely love with patience.
When Apostle Paul rejected Mark as a companion on his second missionary journey, the Apostle Barnabus took Mark and encouraged him in the way of discipleship. Eventually, Mark became a powerful apostle who is known for authoring the Gospel of Mark, and even Paul later accepted him requesting Mark to visit him while in prison (2 Timothy 4:11).
Challenge: Let us take our "urking" experiences with other people and use them as a catalyst to become more like Christ—examining ourselves (1 Corinthians 11:28); trying to understand their story; and loving them with patience and the love of God. Besides, if they're "urking" us, we're probably "urking" them.